Creating a meaningful ceremony that feels just right
Planning a funeral can be immensely challenging. Finding the right celebrant to create a fitting ceremony can help bring some peace of mind at a very difficult time.
Just as no two lives are the same, every farewell should be unique.
A funeral can be whatever you would like it to be
There are no set rules about where a ceremony can be held, or what you can and can’t incorporate.
What’s important is what matters to you
Every person comes to terms with loss in their own way. I’ll help you put together a ceremony that authentically reflects your person’s life, legacy and wishes, and feels right for them - and to you.
My approach is sensitive and responsive
I tailor the tone and content of every send-off to each individual life I’m privileged to encounter, led by your wishes.
Planning a ceremony can feel a weighty responsibility.
My role is to guide you through the possibilities and alleviate some pressure at a highly emotional time.
“Words cannot express the loving care, warmth and compassion Toby presented whilst preparing my husband's eulogy. He listened to every detail so calmly and professionally, fulfilling my wishes in making the service such a memorable occasion.”
- Virginia, Ashford
Working with you to create a bespoke funeral ceremony
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1. Listening to your story
After an initial phone chat, we’ll arrange a meeting to discuss your wishes for the funeral ceremony. I’ll take time to listen carefully to your thoughts and recollections of your loved one to build a sense of the person, their life and what they meant to others. Together, we’ll plan the basic structure of the ceremony and talk about options for spoken tributes, music, poetry readings and photo slideshows.
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2. Crafting the ceremony
Using the information gathered during our meeting, I’ll write a personalised funeral ceremony that sensitively captures the character of your person and reflects the unique life they lived. I’ll send a draft for you to review and will make any changes so that you’re happy the script hits the right note. I’ll compile content for any Order of Service and liaise with your funeral arranger to ensure all is ready for the day.
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3. Leading on the day
On the day of the funeral, I’ll collaborate closely with your funeral director to ensure that everything passes off smoothly. I’ll be on hand to greet you ahead of the service, then will confidently take the lead to deliver a meaningful ceremony that dignifies and honours your loved one. I’ll take as prominent or minimal a role as you deem appropriate for the occasion. I’ll give you a presentation copy of the script to keep.
Deciding the content, shape and tone of a ceremony
There are a number of elements you can choose to include in a funeral ceremony.
We’ll discuss which options work best for you and I’ll suggest an appropriate structure on which I’ll base my draft ceremony script.
Setting the right tone for the farewell is important. We’ll talk about when the ceremony might be reflective, mournful, thankful or celebratory in mood.
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Gentle introductory and concluding reflections on the life of your person, delivered by the celebrant.
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Your person’s favourite pieces of music - or tracks chosen by you to reflect their life, interests and personality. Typically played for the arrival of the coffin and mourners, at key moments during the ceremony and as the service closes. Live musical performances may also be included.
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The story of the life of your person: their unique character, achievements and connections to others, and the contribution they made to their families, communities and wider society. Often delivered by the celebrant.
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A spoken tribute by a family member or close friend, often including treasured memories and anecdotes.
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Poetry or prose read by family members, friends or the celebrant. I can make suggestions for suitable poems.
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If the location allows, a slideshow of treasured images set to music can be displayed on a screen.
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A few moments for private thoughts about your person, either in silence or accompanied by music and/or a photo slideshow. Anyone with faith is invited to use this time for silent prayer.
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The final farewell, when curtains are closed around a coffin, or a coffin is lowered into a grave.
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Poignant gestures, such as lighting candles, laying flowers or leaving written messages on the coffin.
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Words of special thanks conveyed to individuals who have played a significant role in supporting your person at the end of their life. A mention of chosen organisations for any charitable donations. An invitation to gathered mourners to join a wake.
Hear what others say
In this video, people share experiences of humanist funeral ceremonies they have arranged or attended.
Fees
I tailor my pricing to the specific circumstances of each ceremony.
Once we’ve held an initial conversation about your planned farewell, I’ll be able to quote to you accurately for my services.
Please read the FAQs for further information about what my fees include.
FAQs
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Humanist ceremonies are open to everyone, regardless of their background or beliefs.
A humanist funeral may be especially suitable for someone who did not believe in god or an afterlife, or described themselves as ‘not religious’. Others may simply prefer not to use a faith leader or a religious setting for their person’s farewell.
For some people, there is comfort at a funeral in hearing words or music that have origins in religious practice and are embedded in our culture. While I won’t lead any acts of worship, I’m flexible about including such content in a ceremony if it’s important to you.
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We’re used to funerals being quite formulaic, but ceremonies can take any form or style you like - circumstances notwithstanding.
Adding personal touches to a farewell allows you to honour a person in a way that feels just right for them. Giving a loved one the send-off they would have wanted, or which authentically reflects their character, can provide enormous comfort to those saying goodbye.
During our meeting we can explore ways to tailor the ceremony so that it is highly individualised and feels just right for your person. -
I am based in Woolwich, southeast London. I work across London and in Kent, where I have strong ties. I’m happy to travel further afield upon request, when additional travel costs may apply.
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I always prefer to meet in person so that we can take time to discuss your person in a familiar environment that may be more comforting. But I understand that it’s not always possible to gather everyone who would like to contribute to the discussion in the same place at the same time. I’d be happy to arrange a video call if that works better for you.
Our communication doesn’t end after our meeting. I’ll be available to discuss details of the ceremony with you throughout the preparation period. -
My fee for a standard funeral ceremony covers:
An in-person meeting to discuss your wishes for the ceremony and to talk about the life of your person.
Communication with you and with other friends or family members, as appropriate, during the creation of the ceremony. If supplementary meetings are deemed necessary, this may incur an additional charge.
The drafting of a full funeral ceremony script, including any suggestions for music and poems.
Revisions to the ceremony script, at your instruction.
Compilation of content for any printed Order of Service.
Liaison with your funeral arranger / director.
Leading the ceremony on the day.
The provision of a presentation copy of the ceremony script for you to keep.
My fee will be tailored to your requirements, based on our initial conversation. I will adjust my pricing according to circumstances such the complexity of a ceremony, its duration and whether I need to make any special arrangements on your behalf. I’ll always be transparent with you about my fees and will be able to provide you with a quote once we’ve had an initial chat.
For ceremonies held outside of Greater London or Kent, additional travel costs may apply.